YOUR INNER CRITIC AND SELF SABOTAGE

One of the ways we sabotage our happiness is by listening to what is often called our “inner critic" or the “cop inside our head.” He reminds me of the midget in the Mel Gibson film, Thunderdome, perched on our shoulder whispering in our ear warning us about dangerous pitfalls that lay ahead or telling us we shouldn’t do something or worst yet, telling us we can’t do something. My inner critic didn’t want me to enjoy my Second Half. He didn’t want me to achieve my goals. He didn’t want me to be happy. My inner critic wanted me to suffer. Do you have an inner critic that discourages you and sabotages your happiness? You are not alone!

We all have an inner critic, a voice inside our head that engages us in secret conversation. I first became aware of his power reading The Inner Game of Golf by Tim Gallwey. According to Gallwey one of the reasons golfers often struggle with the game is their inner critic, he calls it the Self 1, bombards them with do’s and don’ts constantly warning them about bunkers, water hazards and out of bounds stakes. This prevents their natural, creative, spontaneous nature, the Self 2, from taking over. Our Self 1 sabotages our enjoyment of the game as well as our ability to play it at a higher level. However, if we can silence its voice and let the Self 2 take over Gallwey found that the average golfer is able to hit the golf ball with power, consistency and accuracy beyond anything they had previously achieved and were less frustrated and enjoyed the game a great deal more.

If Self 1 doesn’t want us to succeed at golf, his equivalent, our inner critic, doesn’t want us to succeed in life! He is the sower of self-doubt telling us we are not smart enough or deserving enough or good enough to be happy and fulfilled. Our inner critic gets in touch with us through negative self talk. Did you know that most of us have 40,000 to 60,000 conversations with ourselves each day. Some of the conversations are innocuous. “I have to pick up the laundry”. “Let’s go out for dinner tonight.” A lot of it is negative, “I won’t be able to write my resume” or "I will never be happy”, etc. The most effective way to silence our inner critic is to replace his negative self talk with positive self talk. For example, if your inner critic is telling you you won’t succeed in launching a second career in the Second Half replace that thought with one that says “Yes I can!” Or if your inner critic discourages you from mending a relationship with an old friend replace the thought with a positive one that says ”My friend needs me.” If this sounds simplistic consider the following. Once a thought is planted in your head it exists, it is real and it takes on a life of its own because our emotions and feelings are unable to distinguish a true thought from a false one. A good example is Mary Kay who overcame a host of personal crisis to create a global cosmetics company and said, “If you think you can, you can. If you think you can’t you are right.” She refused to listen to her inner critic. So can you.