PROCRASTINATING AND SELF SABOTAGE

I was watching the Smother Brothers on TV some years ago. One of them said that life is what goes one while you’re making other plans! This pretty well summed up the first four or five years of my Second Half-- a lot of plans, a lot of ideas, not much action and heck of lot of frustration. As you probably know by now procrastination is one of the most common forms of self sabotage especially for Boomers in their Second Half. For example, we know that our waist line has to go but find it difficult to cut back on food or visit the gym. Or we know we should finish our resume and begin the search for a part time job to supplement our 401K. The list goes on.

There are many theories about why so many of us put off doing things we know are important to our happiness and well-being. Some of us are perfectionists who have unrealistic expectations or standards. Everything must be just right. Perfectionist dread doing anything that is less than perfect, As a result, they nitpick everything to death often neutralizing themselves by getting little accomplished. It could be writing a resume, creating a business plan or writing an article for the local paper. The endless search for perfection leads to statis.

Another cause of procrastinating is ambivalence. F. Scot Fitzgerald said the test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas at the same time and still retain the ability to function. When we suffer from ambivalence we hold two opposing emotions, attitudes, or ideas about doing something. As a result there is an internal tug of war going on inside of us which results in us taking no action. For example, I often procrastinate writing articles for this blog. A part of me says do it later. No one is going to read it. Another part of me says, it’s important that I write the article because it may help someone.

Sometimes a task seems too complex, too overwhelming or takes too much time. As a consequence we conclude it’s not worth the trouble and put it off. In other words the pain is not worth the gain. At first we are relieved and feel better off but inexorably we begin to feel guilty and beat ourselves up because we didn’t step up to the plate and do what we know is in our best interest. For example, I put off setting up automatic bill paying in my brokerage account for over a year because it seemed complicated and time consuming. As a result, at the beginning of every month I continued writing checks, addressing envelopes and putting stamps on scores of bills even though I found it tedious and annoying.

Sometimes we procrastinate out of fear of failure. We have a task in front of us, for example, finding a job, but put it off because we know it will be difficult and we don’t want to feel like a loser if things don’t work out. Fear of failure is the result of low self esteem. Thus, we cancel an interview because we believe we are not qualified for the position and will be rejected. The person who has a fear of failure is saying, nothing ventured, nothing lost. Unfortunately, what seems at first to be an ego saving act has the reverse effect on the ego with the procrastinator engaging in a cycle of self abuse over their lack of courage and spine.

If you are procrastinating over doing things that are important to your happiness and well being, there are steps you can take. The first one, and this is a recurring theme in the Boomer Post, you must take responsibility and own your behavior. This means acknowledging you are procrastinating. Once you do this, list the tasks or goals you are putting off completing. Next to each one write down the reason you are procrastinating, e.g. fear of failure, perfectionism, etc. Then put down what you lose by putting them off and what you will gain by taking action. This will give you a sense of what is at stake.

The second step is block out time in your calendar or day planner for completing the goals/tasks you need to complete. It helps when you do this to set deadlines. If the task seems overwhelming break it down into smaller chunks. When you begin the dreaded task, say something positive or affirming to block out negative, self defeating thoughts. For example, I can do it, or I have the skills and knowledge to succeed, or yes I can.

Thirdly, when you’ve made progress toward achieving a goal or you’ve completed a particular task, reward yourself by doing something pleasurable such as watching a favorite TV program or going to a movie or visiting Starbucks and treating yourself to a latte. In doing so your subconscious mind will associate taking action with something rewarding.

Finally, if you procrastinate cut yourself some slack. Recognize no one including yourself is perfect. We all procrastinate. We all experience failure. When you find yourself putting things off be honest with yourself, own it and resolve to take action because you believe you can and will succeed and that procrastinating will only delay the inevitable pleasure you will gain from performing a job well done!