ARE YOU SABOTAGING YOUR HAPPINESS?

As I said in my initial post, we are put on this Earth to be happy. Unfortunately, we often find ways to sabotage our happiness for no apparent reason. Some very public and dramatic examples include, the forty second President of the United States who risks getting tossed out of office and tarnishing his legacy by having an affair with an intern, a young actress who jeopardizes her career after a series of drug and alcohol related incidences, a Senator from Idaho solicits sex in a men’s bathroom and risks expulsion from the Senate, and a top NFL quarterback is jailed for funding an illegal dog fighting enterprise. Bill Clinton, Lindsay Lohan, Larry Craig and Michael Vick each sabotaged their reputations, their careers, and ultimately their happiness by engaging in self defeating behaviors. These are extreme examples. Most of us engage in more subtle and less public forms of self sabotage. For example, we put off tasks that are instrumental to achieving personal goals. We find ourselves overreacting and becoming angry over things that upon reflection seem trivial and unimportant. Or, we may engage in negative self talk about ourselves or other people. We may worry and fret about the future especially our financial well being. Although less dramatic and destructive than the public displays of sabotage mentioned earlier our self defeating behaviors can be almost as destructive.

I know this first hand. When I entered my Second Half I had everything going for me including a loving and supportive wife and family, excellent health, wonderful friends, financial security, excellent health and an educational and professional background that should have allowed me to launch a second career. Despite the many blessings I enjoyed I was constantly bickering and arguing with my wife, I was drinking too much wine in the evening, I was engaging in obsessive negative self talk, I was constantly bitching and complaining about things that didn’t matter and I was procrastinating completing tasks necessary for achieving my goal of starting a second career. In short, I was doing a thorough job of sabotaging my happiness and well being. Sound familiar?

One of the most difficult challenge in dealing with self sabotage are the elaborate defense mechanisms we create to hide it. Admitting we are sabotaging ourselves can be difficult for our ego to accept. As a result we are often in denial about sabotaging our happiness and well-being and refuse to accept that anything is wrong; a necessary condition for change to take place. If we are unable or unwilling to shed the light of day on our behavior the cycle of self-defeating behavior will continue.

Bearing this point in mind, let me ask you a question, are you sabotaging your happiness? If so, make a list of the ways you believe your are doing this. For example, are you beating yourself up over finances? Or worrying excessively about the future? Or drinking too much in the evening? If you do this you'll be taking the first step toward defeating the enemy within that's robbing you of the happiness and well being you deserve.

In my next posts I'll deal more fully with the various forms of self sabotage and how you can defeat them.