AUTHENTICITY AND HAPPINESS

One of the greatest callenges we Boomers deal with as we enter the Second Half is becoming more authentic.

This hit home for me not long ago. One of the last vestiges of my life as a corporate executive were the expensive suits, shirts and ties I wore to work certifying I was someone to be reckoned with. No general or admiral wore the symbols of rank more proudly than I did. They were now hanging in my closet at parade rest. But, a funny thing happened. One day I went into the closet in search of something, I don’t recall what it was, and looked at my executive wardrobe and said to myself, I once knew that guy! I decided on the spot to get rid of my past but more important I wanted to regain my identity and authenticity.

Irving Goffman wrote a fascinating book some years ago called, The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. Using a theatre metaphor Goffman’s claimed that each of us has a front stage and a back stage. Our “front stage” is the image or persona we create to impress and ultimately influence others around us. Our office, tone of voice, posture, the car we drive are part of our front stage. My wardrobe was part of my front stage. Our "back stage" is who we really are with all of our fears, doubts, strengths, weaknesses; the sum total of who we are. There is an old saying that no one is a hero to their butler. The butler sees their master’s backstage as do our wives and children and family pet. The danger is, unlike the butler and members of our family many of us believe our front stage is who we really are and invest a lot of time and effort protecting it. Which accounts for much of the posturing and aggressive behavior men often engage in at work and play.

If we want to be authentic our front stage and backstage must be congruent. This means recognizing our false self, our front stage, and putting a stake through it even though it will fight to its last breath. Being authentic also means we must accept ourselves with all our faults and weaknesses. One of the things we find about ourselves when we go back stage is, we are not perfect. We must become, as one psychologist put it, perfectly imperfect. However, when our natural self-- our back stage takes over, we have an opportunity to grow and find the meaning and happiness we are put on this Earth to enjoy. No longer will we have to hide our back stage and continue to project something that is false and untrue about ourselves. We will become more sensitive and tolerant of others and become better partners to our loved ones and better friends to those around us.

If at three o’ clock in the morning in the quiet moments of your soul, to quote F. Scot Fitzgerald, you believe you are not authentic ask your butler or if you don’t have one ask a member of your family, is my front stage and back stage the same? If they say no, get rid of your old clothes and put on some comfortable jeans and an old sweater and embrace who ever is nearby and know that all is well in the world. You will find peace