IF MONEY DOESN'T BUY HAPPINESS, WHAT DOES?

In an earlier post I suggested that money doesn't buy happiness. I know this is hard to beleive especially when we have less of it than we did a year ago. But I am sticking to my guns.

So,what does buy happiness? You'll be happy to know there is remarkable consensus among psychologist about the subject. Most beleive our ability to achieve happiness results from several factors including, having a set of core values and beliefs, maintaining a loving, stable marriage, developing meaningful relationships, engaging in altruistic behavior, making a commitment to learning and growing, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Possessing Core Values and Beliefs

Why am I here? What’s important in my life? How should I behave? Are three of the most significant questions we wrestle with throughout our lives. Many people in contemporary American culture find the answers to these questions by observing other people rather than from independent theological or philosophical inquiry and personal reflection. As result, our beliefs are often ephemeral changing with the times and situations in which we finds themselves. For starters we all need a reason to get up in the morning especially during our Second Half when we no longer go to work. Stephen Covey says we need to find our True North. Without it one is likely to wander aimlessly through the Second Half making trivial things important often turning to alcohol and other vices to escape the inevitable boredom and pain. Not surprisingly, people who lack purpose are more likely to suffer from depression, have a higher incidence of illness and have lower life expectancy than people who have a sense of purpose. If you believe happiness research on as we mature and enter the Second Half if we need to find our purpose, decide what is important in our lives and develop a set of values address to guide our behavior.

Maintaining a Loving, Stable Marriage

Another important ingredient for achieving happiness and well being in the Second Half is having a loving and supportive spouse, or significant other. Sustaining a healthy marriage takes a great deal of effort on the part of both parties. There must be mutual support, respect, understanding and no small measure of forgiveness. Sadly, most studies reveal that marriages are often fraught with conflict and disagreements over children, in-laws, money and sex. The ones that last do so because both parties reach a point where they acknowledge that being together is preferable to being alone and are able to accept each other’s imperfections. Once this level of understanding is attained the focus becomes less upon what one’s partner is doing, or not doing, and more on how both parties can communicate better and become more focused on each other’s needs.

Developing Meaningful Relationships

One of the things we lose when we leave work and enter the Second Half are relationships with other people. Some of us are exceptionally good at net working and make it a point to stay in touch with close friends as well as being very adept at making new friends. This is important to our happiness and well-being for a number of reasons. Friends help us see the world differently, they help us from becoming isolated and lonely, and they are a source of solace and comfort during hard times. Friends keep us honest and accountable by telling us what we need to hear, not what we want to hear. Good friends cushion us against the vagaries of life and the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. When we have friends we are less self- absorbed with our focus directed toward their needs. This is the reason friends are a source of happiness and well being in the Second Half

Engaging in Altruistic Behavior

The evidence strongly suggest that becoming involved in altruistic activity is a key factor in achieving happiness and well being in the Second Half. This includes performing volunteer work, or finding a second career in a community service role or healthcare business, or even becoming a social entrepreneur. We are built to serve. It is an integral part of our humanity. It is very easy in as we enter the Second Half to become obsessed with our own needs. When we do it can lead to social isolation, cynicism and negativity, ingredients that can lead to a host of mental and physical breakdowns as we become older.

Making a Commitment to Learning and Growing

“Tis a healthy mind that makes the body.” rich said Shakespeare.
Some years ago a fund raising advertisement reminded us that a mind is a terrible thing to waste. How true especially in our Second Half if we want to be happy and fulfilled. This is one of the reasons colleges and universities are offering a hundreds of courses and programs to retired Boomers. Classes range from how to poach salmon to understanding the Laffer curve to why the English lost the American Revolution. I know one person who attended law school and earned his degree at age 70. Without making a commitment to learning and growing during the Second Half we become cynical and stale retreating into old ways of thinking and doing that prevent us from enjoying life.

Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle

Avoiding a sedentary life style and being physically active has a host of benefits especially in the Second Half. One doesn’t have to join a health club or gym despite the fact many are offering programs for older citizens. There are numerous opportunities for exercise in the normal course of one’s day including cutting the lawn, working around the house, walking in the neighborhood or local mall. Among many benefits, exercise slows down the aging processes, reduces stress, boosts the immune system, improves mental acuity and improves sleep. Most of all, a healthy regimen of exercise coupled with a healthy diet helps keep our weight down which in and of itself is a key factor in life expectancy.

Dr. George Vaillant who led the remarkable Harvard Study on Aging noted with a great deal of optimism that all the factors that lead to successful aging are controllable. As a result, there is every reason to believe with some effort and the appropriate behavioral change model each of us can find the happiness and well-being we deserve in the Second Half.