When Richard Nixon was president he said his role was to stem the tide of rising expectations. He was referring to the growth of big, paternalistic government and the belief among many that it could solve all of our nation's problems.
I have noticed recently in a number of conversations with retired Boomer friends that many have "stemmed the tide of rising expectations" for their own lives arguing that it is unrealistic to have goals and dreams at this stage of the game.
I said in an earlier post that the eminent psychologist Viktor Frankl survived Auschwitz because he refused to give up hope choosing instead to find meaning and purpose amidst the horrors of life in a death camp. Surely we can and should do the same thing.
Because, if we don't why bother to get out of bed?
There are numerous examples of men and women who got out of bed and lived their dreams after they retired and entered their Second Half. There is Sir Francis Chichester, who at age sixty-five sailed alone around the world in record time in his yacht the Gypsy Moth. Then there is Albert Schweitzer, who established a mission school and hospital in Africa, winning a Nobel Peace Prize when he was seventy-seven for his monumental contributions to humanity. There is Martha Graham, who for over fifty years was the preeminent choreographer in modern dance. She danced until she was seventy-five and choreographed Maple Leaf Rag, her final work, when she was ninety-six. There are many, many other less-known individuals, some of whom live in your community, who have seized the day and are creating exciting, challenging, and worthwhile lives well into their Second Half. How did they do it? They dared to dream. So can you.
Here is how to get started. Take out a sheet of paper and put down at the top of the page "My Dream Inventory." Then list all the things you'd like to do in the years ahead. It could include strengthening your faith, building a stronger relationship with your spouse, developing a new circle of friends. You might also include, learning new skills, starting a business, travelling to different places. Get going on this now and you'll be surprised how large your dream inventory will grow. After you're done, rank order your dreams in level of importance and as soon as you're finished go to work on the most important ones believing that you can and should live your dreams no matter your age or stage of life.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Friday, August 14, 2009
HEALTHCARE REFORM:WHAT'S MISSING FROM THE DEBATE
With all the hysteria about death panels, socialized medicine, big government and the like is the fact that all of us Boomers need high quality, low cost healthcare as we begin the second half of life. I don't know about you but as I look at my annual budget my insurance costs are growing at a faster rate than any other item. Despite this phenomenon, I have yet to hear from any elected official on either side of the aisle come up with a coherent, well thought through solution to my problem and those faced by 80 million other Boomers. Here is one way to frame the problem.
Insurance rates whether they be life, automobile or healthcare are ultimately based on the pooled cost i.e, claims of all the participants in the insurance plan. For example, my Allstate insurance rates will go up if policy holders as a group exceed what the actuaries project will be their total claims experience, or costs. In other words, the cost for "bad" behavior is passed on to all of us. A great business!
Taking the analogy another step, rising healthcare costs result from "bad" behavior on the part of millions of individuals who are suffering from obesity, high blood pressure, heart disease, alchohol and drug abuse, smoking and other lifesyle oriented maladies which, and here is the good news, are avoidable through wellness programs and other interventions.
Assuming I am correct, the best way to lower healthcare costs, then, is to incentivize "good" behavior by lowering premiums, deductibles and co-payments for individuals who achieve specific levels or parameters for weight, blood pressure, cholestrol levels,and other indices or measures of good health practices.
If government can improve the health of millions of Americans all the mindless chatter will disappear and we can focus on other equally important issues including world peace, the economy and ending hunger in the world.
Insurance rates whether they be life, automobile or healthcare are ultimately based on the pooled cost i.e, claims of all the participants in the insurance plan. For example, my Allstate insurance rates will go up if policy holders as a group exceed what the actuaries project will be their total claims experience, or costs. In other words, the cost for "bad" behavior is passed on to all of us. A great business!
Taking the analogy another step, rising healthcare costs result from "bad" behavior on the part of millions of individuals who are suffering from obesity, high blood pressure, heart disease, alchohol and drug abuse, smoking and other lifesyle oriented maladies which, and here is the good news, are avoidable through wellness programs and other interventions.
Assuming I am correct, the best way to lower healthcare costs, then, is to incentivize "good" behavior by lowering premiums, deductibles and co-payments for individuals who achieve specific levels or parameters for weight, blood pressure, cholestrol levels,and other indices or measures of good health practices.
If government can improve the health of millions of Americans all the mindless chatter will disappear and we can focus on other equally important issues including world peace, the economy and ending hunger in the world.
Friday, July 31, 2009
FLOW AND MY NEW BOOK
One of the things I learned doing research on happiness is one of the ways to achieve it is to do things that put us in a state of flow. (I wrote on this subject back in May.) Two things happened. I stopped blogging. And I completed a book.
One of the reasons I started blogging was it put me in a state of flow. But, once the summer came around I found other things to do that also put me in flow. This included, gardening, bike riding, reading on the beach, and playing golf. Blogging lost out and I started to feel guilty. I realized that although achieving flow is it's own reward it is far more rewarding when the activity is also doing something that is both intellectually stimulating and helps others. Selfish pleasure is not as rewarding. This obvious insight motivated me to return to blogging.
The other things I learned is how powerful our inner critic really is. (I wrote about this in an earlier blog as well). Early this year I decided to write a book for Boomers that incorporated my research on happiness and my personal experience transitioning into the Second Half. I wanted to write a book for several reasons one of them being to provide a practical guide for Boomers entering their Second Half, another one was I wanted to use the book to launch a second career as a motivational speaker and life coach and thirdly I wanted to achieve flow.
Well my innner critic kept telling me "You can't do it". "It's a waste of time", "No one will read it", "You have nothing to say" etc. His whispering in my ear made something that I knew I had to do, wanted to do, and should do a very tortuous painful and time consuming process. Simply stated, my inner critic, the voice of my subconscious mind, didn't want me to succeed, didn't want me to be happy! As a result, I found myself procrastinating and failing to keep to my schedule of writing every morning for 3-4 hours.
I fell so far behind I knew I had to silence my innner critic. I did. Everytime he put a negative thought in my head I immediately replaced it with a positive one that focused on the benefits of completing the book. For example, I imagined the satisfaction I'd gain from writing a book, how it would help me market myself as a speaker, how I could show my kids how perseverance pays off, and how silencing my inner critic now would enable me to do it again the next time he came after me. I'm pleased to say my book will be out in two weeks. I do not plan to give my innner critic and advanced copy!
Are you plagued with struggling to accomplish something that is important to your well being and happiness? Do you have an inner critic who is sowing the seeds of doubt? If you do, you can silence him as I did by recognizing he exists and replacing his garbage with positive, enabling thoughts. If you do, you will be amazed at the results.
One of the reasons I started blogging was it put me in a state of flow. But, once the summer came around I found other things to do that also put me in flow. This included, gardening, bike riding, reading on the beach, and playing golf. Blogging lost out and I started to feel guilty. I realized that although achieving flow is it's own reward it is far more rewarding when the activity is also doing something that is both intellectually stimulating and helps others. Selfish pleasure is not as rewarding. This obvious insight motivated me to return to blogging.
The other things I learned is how powerful our inner critic really is. (I wrote about this in an earlier blog as well). Early this year I decided to write a book for Boomers that incorporated my research on happiness and my personal experience transitioning into the Second Half. I wanted to write a book for several reasons one of them being to provide a practical guide for Boomers entering their Second Half, another one was I wanted to use the book to launch a second career as a motivational speaker and life coach and thirdly I wanted to achieve flow.
Well my innner critic kept telling me "You can't do it". "It's a waste of time", "No one will read it", "You have nothing to say" etc. His whispering in my ear made something that I knew I had to do, wanted to do, and should do a very tortuous painful and time consuming process. Simply stated, my inner critic, the voice of my subconscious mind, didn't want me to succeed, didn't want me to be happy! As a result, I found myself procrastinating and failing to keep to my schedule of writing every morning for 3-4 hours.
I fell so far behind I knew I had to silence my innner critic. I did. Everytime he put a negative thought in my head I immediately replaced it with a positive one that focused on the benefits of completing the book. For example, I imagined the satisfaction I'd gain from writing a book, how it would help me market myself as a speaker, how I could show my kids how perseverance pays off, and how silencing my inner critic now would enable me to do it again the next time he came after me. I'm pleased to say my book will be out in two weeks. I do not plan to give my innner critic and advanced copy!
Are you plagued with struggling to accomplish something that is important to your well being and happiness? Do you have an inner critic who is sowing the seeds of doubt? If you do, you can silence him as I did by recognizing he exists and replacing his garbage with positive, enabling thoughts. If you do, you will be amazed at the results.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
HOW TO FIND OUT WHAT TURNS YOU ON
Do you want to fulfill dreams, ambitions, and goals you didn't achieve in your First Half? Many of us did not have the opportunity to to do so because we had to earn a living to support our families. As a result we and had to shelve our dreams and passions. Others of us chose careers in business because we were seduced by money and the status that came with success. And still others among us stumbled into our careers without much thought or reason. Regardless of your situation, the Second Half is a time when you can chase your dreams and live your passion.
Whenever I think of thwarted dreams and ambitions, I remember a wonderful friend who was the principal of a local junior high school in the town where I lived. He was given a mandate to shake things up a bit, including repainting the halls and classrooms. The powers that be thought a brighter school might result in turning out brighter students. I was struck by my friend’s excitement and dedication to the project. When I pressed him on the subject, he explained that he always wanted to be an artist, but his parents disapproved and refused to pay his college tuition if he did not pursue a professional degree. As I got to know him, I realized the price he had paid for his thwarted dream. There was a sadness and incompleteness about him. If during your First Half, your work did not allow you to live your passion use your Second Half to find and fulfill it.
There are several ways to do this. The first is to identify activities you engaged in that put you in a state of flow. Flow is a concept developed by Professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi who sought to identify what the most successful people across a variety of fields—business, the arts, science, government had in common regarding their work or activity. After interviewing scores of individuals he identified seven characteristics which he subsequently described as flow. They include:
1. Being completely involved, focused, concentrating - with what they were doing due to innate curiosity or as the result of training
2. Experiencing a sense of ecstasy - of being outside everyday reality
3. Having great inner clarity - knowing what needs to be done and how well it is going
4. Knowing the activity is doable - that the skills are adequate, and neither anxious or bored
5. Possessing a sense of serenity - no worries about self, feeling of growing beyond the boundaries of ego - afterwards feeling of transcending ego in ways not thought possible
6. Experiencing a feeling of timeliness - thoroughly focused on present, don't notice time passing
7. Having extrinsic motivation - whatever produces "flow" becomes its own reward
One of the more interesting observations made by Professor Csikszentmihalyi was the fact that none of the successful people he interviewed suggested that what they did was motivated by the need to make money. Achieving flow really is its own reward. So one way to find out what turns you on identify the things you’ve done that put you in a state of flow. For example. I discovered research and writing put me in a state of flow. Which in turn prompted me to research and write a book on how to achieve happiness and meaning in the Second Half.
Another somewhat related approach to finding out what turns you on is to ask yourself several questions:
1. What turned you on as a child?
2. What excites you?
3. What are some of the things you’d like to do if earning money was not an issues?
4. Is there anything you’ve dreamed of doing that you’ve never shared with anyone?
5.What are some of your talents, things that you are really good at doing?
6. When you go to a cocktail party and people are discussing various subjects, which ones interest you the most?
One of my favorite quotes is from Thoreau: “The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation and die with the song inside of them.” Do you want to live with your song inside of you? If not, take some time now to identify what turns you one and take action to fulfill your dreams and aspirations. You’ll be much happier and fulfilled
Whenever I think of thwarted dreams and ambitions, I remember a wonderful friend who was the principal of a local junior high school in the town where I lived. He was given a mandate to shake things up a bit, including repainting the halls and classrooms. The powers that be thought a brighter school might result in turning out brighter students. I was struck by my friend’s excitement and dedication to the project. When I pressed him on the subject, he explained that he always wanted to be an artist, but his parents disapproved and refused to pay his college tuition if he did not pursue a professional degree. As I got to know him, I realized the price he had paid for his thwarted dream. There was a sadness and incompleteness about him. If during your First Half, your work did not allow you to live your passion use your Second Half to find and fulfill it.
There are several ways to do this. The first is to identify activities you engaged in that put you in a state of flow. Flow is a concept developed by Professor Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi who sought to identify what the most successful people across a variety of fields—business, the arts, science, government had in common regarding their work or activity. After interviewing scores of individuals he identified seven characteristics which he subsequently described as flow. They include:
1. Being completely involved, focused, concentrating - with what they were doing due to innate curiosity or as the result of training
2. Experiencing a sense of ecstasy - of being outside everyday reality
3. Having great inner clarity - knowing what needs to be done and how well it is going
4. Knowing the activity is doable - that the skills are adequate, and neither anxious or bored
5. Possessing a sense of serenity - no worries about self, feeling of growing beyond the boundaries of ego - afterwards feeling of transcending ego in ways not thought possible
6. Experiencing a feeling of timeliness - thoroughly focused on present, don't notice time passing
7. Having extrinsic motivation - whatever produces "flow" becomes its own reward
One of the more interesting observations made by Professor Csikszentmihalyi was the fact that none of the successful people he interviewed suggested that what they did was motivated by the need to make money. Achieving flow really is its own reward. So one way to find out what turns you on identify the things you’ve done that put you in a state of flow. For example. I discovered research and writing put me in a state of flow. Which in turn prompted me to research and write a book on how to achieve happiness and meaning in the Second Half.
Another somewhat related approach to finding out what turns you on is to ask yourself several questions:
1. What turned you on as a child?
2. What excites you?
3. What are some of the things you’d like to do if earning money was not an issues?
4. Is there anything you’ve dreamed of doing that you’ve never shared with anyone?
5.What are some of your talents, things that you are really good at doing?
6. When you go to a cocktail party and people are discussing various subjects, which ones interest you the most?
One of my favorite quotes is from Thoreau: “The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation and die with the song inside of them.” Do you want to live with your song inside of you? If not, take some time now to identify what turns you one and take action to fulfill your dreams and aspirations. You’ll be much happier and fulfilled
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
EXERCISE YOUR WAY TO HAPPINESS
As we Boomers become older there is overwhelming scientific evidence that physical exercise is vital for our health, happiness and well-being. Exercise keeps the heart strong by keeping the blood vessels open as well as ensuring the brain cells get all the nutrients they need for peak performance. Neurobiologist Robert Dustman, MD showed that aerobically fit people had brain waves associated with alertness and mental acuity including memory. Further testimony to the value of exercising on mental acuity especially for aging Boomers is the number of years an individual engages in physical exercise and their current aerobic capacity can predict how they will do on a test of information processing. In turn, other studies have shown that retirees who become couch potatoes and fail to exercise or engage in some form of extended physical activity such as walking or working in the yard show a significant decline in their blood flow to the brain which results in diminished memory and recall, difficulty processing information and difficulty multitasking.
In addition to improving brain function and mental acuity, physical exercise can lower blood pressure, increase strength and stamina and improve flexibility. Recognizing the benefits to older Boomers more and more health clubs are adapting to changing demographics and offering exercise programs for older individuals. Examples include programs focusing on, cardiac rehabilitation, osteoporosis, high blood pressure and arthritis.
Physical exercise can also be a very effective treatment for depression. Studies show that individuals suffering from depression who engage in a structured exercise program show a reduction of anger, fatigue and tension. One of the reasons is the release of endorphins into the brain promotes a sense of well-being and happiness akin to what is know as the “runner’s high’ which is also attributed to the release of endorphins to the brain. Another benefit of exercise for people who have signs of depression is an improvement in their moods, vitality, alertness and sense of well-being. Taking these points into account, one psychologist suggested that exercise is the best non-pharmacological anti-depressant we have!
One of the most pressing public health issues in this country is obesity. Current estimates put it at 30% of individuals 20 or older or 60 million people. The situation is somewhat for older people. According to the Centers for Disease Control 76% of men and 71% of woman between 65 –74 are over weight or obese. According to the New England Journal of Medicine, life expectancy in the U.S. may drop by up to five years because of obesity and its side effects. These side effects include: hypertension, high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes, coronary heart disease, osteoporosis, gall bladder disease, sleep apinea and other respiratory diseases and some cancers.
Despite the obvious side effects of obesity a surprisingly high number of seniors report little or no interest in losing weight. The Surgeon General suggests that among individuals 65 and older only 43% of men and 53% of woman claim they are interested in losing weight. This seemingly indicates there is need for a national communications and educational program targeted to senior encouraging them to exercise and lose weight.
While on the subject of weight, lets not neglect the importance of what we eat. The key to losing weight is to use more calories than we consume. Moderate exercise will certainly help us use up calories, how much is debatable. For example a moderately paced 30 minute walk will burn less than 200 calories. Not much when you consider that to lose one pound one must use up 3500 calories than you take in as food. Obviously, exercise coupled with a reduction in calories is the answer. You could engage in moderate exercise for 30 minutes a day, for example, walking, then choose low fat low calorie food, eat smaller portions, and drink water instead of sodas that are very high in sugar.
If we have learned anything about achieving happiness and well-being in the Second Half it is we are in control of our destiny. This is especially true as it relates to our physical and mental well-being which both can be enhanced through proper exercise and diet. So if you feel a little sluggish and note the love handles are getting larger, do something about your diet and exercise habits. You’ll feel much better when you do!
In addition to improving brain function and mental acuity, physical exercise can lower blood pressure, increase strength and stamina and improve flexibility. Recognizing the benefits to older Boomers more and more health clubs are adapting to changing demographics and offering exercise programs for older individuals. Examples include programs focusing on, cardiac rehabilitation, osteoporosis, high blood pressure and arthritis.
Physical exercise can also be a very effective treatment for depression. Studies show that individuals suffering from depression who engage in a structured exercise program show a reduction of anger, fatigue and tension. One of the reasons is the release of endorphins into the brain promotes a sense of well-being and happiness akin to what is know as the “runner’s high’ which is also attributed to the release of endorphins to the brain. Another benefit of exercise for people who have signs of depression is an improvement in their moods, vitality, alertness and sense of well-being. Taking these points into account, one psychologist suggested that exercise is the best non-pharmacological anti-depressant we have!
One of the most pressing public health issues in this country is obesity. Current estimates put it at 30% of individuals 20 or older or 60 million people. The situation is somewhat for older people. According to the Centers for Disease Control 76% of men and 71% of woman between 65 –74 are over weight or obese. According to the New England Journal of Medicine, life expectancy in the U.S. may drop by up to five years because of obesity and its side effects. These side effects include: hypertension, high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes, coronary heart disease, osteoporosis, gall bladder disease, sleep apinea and other respiratory diseases and some cancers.
Despite the obvious side effects of obesity a surprisingly high number of seniors report little or no interest in losing weight. The Surgeon General suggests that among individuals 65 and older only 43% of men and 53% of woman claim they are interested in losing weight. This seemingly indicates there is need for a national communications and educational program targeted to senior encouraging them to exercise and lose weight.
While on the subject of weight, lets not neglect the importance of what we eat. The key to losing weight is to use more calories than we consume. Moderate exercise will certainly help us use up calories, how much is debatable. For example a moderately paced 30 minute walk will burn less than 200 calories. Not much when you consider that to lose one pound one must use up 3500 calories than you take in as food. Obviously, exercise coupled with a reduction in calories is the answer. You could engage in moderate exercise for 30 minutes a day, for example, walking, then choose low fat low calorie food, eat smaller portions, and drink water instead of sodas that are very high in sugar.
If we have learned anything about achieving happiness and well-being in the Second Half it is we are in control of our destiny. This is especially true as it relates to our physical and mental well-being which both can be enhanced through proper exercise and diet. So if you feel a little sluggish and note the love handles are getting larger, do something about your diet and exercise habits. You’ll feel much better when you do!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
YOU WANT PEACE IN THE HOME, RENEGOTIATE YOUR ROLE
I mentioned in a earlier, post, communicating with each other about roles and how to fill in the spaces in each other’s lives is crucial to making a smooth transition into the Second Half. In an amusing article, “‘Honey, I'm Home! - For Good: The Transition to Retirement,” Kirk Bloir illuminates the situation by quoting a couple’s reaction to their new circumstances:
"At first it was great having George around all of the time, but now he's into everything. He's rearranged my cupboards, moved the linens from one closet to the other, and has started giving me his own Hints from Heloise. When he was working, I never heard a peep about how I ran my home. If I have to hear one more time about how much he misses the 'guys' I'm going to scream. You know, I really thought it would be different, better somehow."
"For the past couple of weeks, things have been great—Ginger and I were really enjoying each other's company. Now all we seem to do is fight. The other day when I helped her out by maximizing our storage space and offered a more efficient way to do the dishes, man did she hit the roof. And I really miss my pals at the shop. It seems as if my usefulness has run its course."
Are you having difficulty navigating your way into the Second Half with your spouse? A good starting point is to understand that retirement is a process not an end state. Or to put it another way, the problem is not being retired, but becoming retired. Bearing this point in mind, it helps if you reframe your retirement and passage into the Second Half as a process involving yourself and your spouse. I failed to do this. When I retired I made every conceivable mistake, beginning with failing to tell my wife I was planning to retire. I had been thinking about leaving work for a while, and when the opportunity presented itself I was ready to jump. Unfortunately, I did not take into account the psychological and emotional impact it would have on my wife, or myself for that matter. Thanks to her understanding and patience, we were able to work through many issues and, in the process, strengthen our relationship.
One of the most important issues is being careful not to infringe upon your spouse’s role as homemaker, wife and mother. The best way to do this is to involve them in carving out a new role for yourself. Remember, work occupied about 40 percent of your time. When you retire, the challenge is to fill in that time without tripping over each other as I did. One spouse summed up the problem this way: “I never imagined it would be so hard to be together 24/7.” Another wife put it this way: “I am with this person for better or worse, but not for lunch.”
With apologies to non-traditional couples, I am referring to males in traditional Boomer marriages, where there is a tendency to become involved in activities that are normally the province of their wives. For example, I had two school-age children when I retired. My wife had done an absolutely wonderful job of raising them while I was bringing home the bacon. One day, I made a suggestion about something to do with their schoolwork; I do not remember exactly what it was. I do remember my wife exclaiming with some frustration that she had always made the decisions about the children’s schooling, so why was I getting involved now? I failed to take into account that over the course of a marriage, both of us took on roles that became part of who we were. When one of the spouses unwittingly takes on the other’s role and invades their turf, it is often a source of anger. If this sounds familiar, become more sensitive to your spouse’s role and turf in the house especially when you are tempted to rearrange the furniture in the living room, or straighten out the pantry, or give instructions to the cleaning lady. If you do you’ll earn the gratitude of your spouse and reduce the level of frustration and anger in your home.
"At first it was great having George around all of the time, but now he's into everything. He's rearranged my cupboards, moved the linens from one closet to the other, and has started giving me his own Hints from Heloise. When he was working, I never heard a peep about how I ran my home. If I have to hear one more time about how much he misses the 'guys' I'm going to scream. You know, I really thought it would be different, better somehow."
"For the past couple of weeks, things have been great—Ginger and I were really enjoying each other's company. Now all we seem to do is fight. The other day when I helped her out by maximizing our storage space and offered a more efficient way to do the dishes, man did she hit the roof. And I really miss my pals at the shop. It seems as if my usefulness has run its course."
Are you having difficulty navigating your way into the Second Half with your spouse? A good starting point is to understand that retirement is a process not an end state. Or to put it another way, the problem is not being retired, but becoming retired. Bearing this point in mind, it helps if you reframe your retirement and passage into the Second Half as a process involving yourself and your spouse. I failed to do this. When I retired I made every conceivable mistake, beginning with failing to tell my wife I was planning to retire. I had been thinking about leaving work for a while, and when the opportunity presented itself I was ready to jump. Unfortunately, I did not take into account the psychological and emotional impact it would have on my wife, or myself for that matter. Thanks to her understanding and patience, we were able to work through many issues and, in the process, strengthen our relationship.
One of the most important issues is being careful not to infringe upon your spouse’s role as homemaker, wife and mother. The best way to do this is to involve them in carving out a new role for yourself. Remember, work occupied about 40 percent of your time. When you retire, the challenge is to fill in that time without tripping over each other as I did. One spouse summed up the problem this way: “I never imagined it would be so hard to be together 24/7.” Another wife put it this way: “I am with this person for better or worse, but not for lunch.”
With apologies to non-traditional couples, I am referring to males in traditional Boomer marriages, where there is a tendency to become involved in activities that are normally the province of their wives. For example, I had two school-age children when I retired. My wife had done an absolutely wonderful job of raising them while I was bringing home the bacon. One day, I made a suggestion about something to do with their schoolwork; I do not remember exactly what it was. I do remember my wife exclaiming with some frustration that she had always made the decisions about the children’s schooling, so why was I getting involved now? I failed to take into account that over the course of a marriage, both of us took on roles that became part of who we were. When one of the spouses unwittingly takes on the other’s role and invades their turf, it is often a source of anger. If this sounds familiar, become more sensitive to your spouse’s role and turf in the house especially when you are tempted to rearrange the furniture in the living room, or straighten out the pantry, or give instructions to the cleaning lady. If you do you’ll earn the gratitude of your spouse and reduce the level of frustration and anger in your home.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
SEVEN STEPS TO A SATISFYING RETIREMENT
As you are well aware by now there are over 80 million Baby Boomers who are beginning to retire in droves. In fact, one Boomer reaches age fifty every 7.5 seconds. Most will retire within 5 years. Because Boomers are chronologically, physically and psychologically younger than their parents were when they retired it will be very different for them. So if you are a Boomer here a seven suggestions for making your retirement more satisfying.
1. Retire the word “retirement” from your vocabulary. Think of it as making a transition from the First Half to the Second Half of your life something akin to moving from infancy to adolescence. In this way your retirement can be properly seen as an opportunity for growth, learning and discovery.
2. Listen to your inner voice when it begins asking, “Who am I?”, “How do I use my talents?”, and “What do I believe?” These questions provide an opportunity to identify and live unfulfilled dreams as well as allowing you to use hidden talents—things that are often illusive during the First Half.
3. Allow yourself to dream about all the things you’d like to do and to be. Perhaps it’s buying a vacation house, or taking piano lessons or starting a new business. A well known person reluctantly thrust into the Second Half dreamed about opening a fried chicken restaurant borrowing a recipe that had been used in the family for years. Colonel Sanders and his Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise are now part of popular lore about the power of dreams.
4. Evaluate your situation remembering that life is made up of many different parts—career, finances, friends, marriage, mental and physical development, values, etc. One of your goals in the Second Half is to create a more balanced life by placing equal emphasis on each part-- again, something that was often difficult to pull off in the First Half. So assess each part of your life and determine where you need to refocus. For example, you may conclude you have neglected your health or an important relationship. If so, do something to correct the situation.
5. Develop goals and set priorities for important areas of your life. This will help you organize your time and energies in pursuit of your dreams. One of the reasons people often flounder during their Second Half is they don’t have goals. As a result, their time is often frittered away. Remember, goals create action and its action that gets results.
6. Organize your time using a day planner or wireless device because it helps impose structure on each day, something that is lost when you leave work and retire. In this manner, there is greater likelihood you’ll achieve goals that are important to you.
7. Eliminate negative self-talk because it sabotages the opportunity to achieve your dreams and goals for the Second Half. When you have a negative thought replace it with a positive one. For example, if one of your goals for the Second Half is to find part time employment and you find yourself thinking “No one is going to hire me at my age.” Replace the though with one that proclaims, “The job market is challenging but I have a lot to offer.” I know it is hard to believe but the mind doesn’t distinguish a true thought from a false one. Whatever is planted in the mind becomes reality.
The transition into the Second Half is often jarring and unsettling. There will undoubtedly be periods of uncertainty, anxiety, even fear. These reactions are normal. Making a successful transition often involves going up a lot of different paths until the right one is found. However, if you follow these seven steps I am confident the path will be a lot smoother for you.
1. Retire the word “retirement” from your vocabulary. Think of it as making a transition from the First Half to the Second Half of your life something akin to moving from infancy to adolescence. In this way your retirement can be properly seen as an opportunity for growth, learning and discovery.
2. Listen to your inner voice when it begins asking, “Who am I?”, “How do I use my talents?”, and “What do I believe?” These questions provide an opportunity to identify and live unfulfilled dreams as well as allowing you to use hidden talents—things that are often illusive during the First Half.
3. Allow yourself to dream about all the things you’d like to do and to be. Perhaps it’s buying a vacation house, or taking piano lessons or starting a new business. A well known person reluctantly thrust into the Second Half dreamed about opening a fried chicken restaurant borrowing a recipe that had been used in the family for years. Colonel Sanders and his Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise are now part of popular lore about the power of dreams.
4. Evaluate your situation remembering that life is made up of many different parts—career, finances, friends, marriage, mental and physical development, values, etc. One of your goals in the Second Half is to create a more balanced life by placing equal emphasis on each part-- again, something that was often difficult to pull off in the First Half. So assess each part of your life and determine where you need to refocus. For example, you may conclude you have neglected your health or an important relationship. If so, do something to correct the situation.
5. Develop goals and set priorities for important areas of your life. This will help you organize your time and energies in pursuit of your dreams. One of the reasons people often flounder during their Second Half is they don’t have goals. As a result, their time is often frittered away. Remember, goals create action and its action that gets results.
6. Organize your time using a day planner or wireless device because it helps impose structure on each day, something that is lost when you leave work and retire. In this manner, there is greater likelihood you’ll achieve goals that are important to you.
7. Eliminate negative self-talk because it sabotages the opportunity to achieve your dreams and goals for the Second Half. When you have a negative thought replace it with a positive one. For example, if one of your goals for the Second Half is to find part time employment and you find yourself thinking “No one is going to hire me at my age.” Replace the though with one that proclaims, “The job market is challenging but I have a lot to offer.” I know it is hard to believe but the mind doesn’t distinguish a true thought from a false one. Whatever is planted in the mind becomes reality.
The transition into the Second Half is often jarring and unsettling. There will undoubtedly be periods of uncertainty, anxiety, even fear. These reactions are normal. Making a successful transition often involves going up a lot of different paths until the right one is found. However, if you follow these seven steps I am confident the path will be a lot smoother for you.
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